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My funny sick life: Sleepless beauty

I had to write this twice. First version was medicine for sleeplessness and even it's fitting with the topic, it's not what I want to achieve with this post! - Sleeping must to be the most complicated thing in my life. I sleep too much or too little. Well, mostly too little. Basically not at all. It's been like this maybe half of my life so far. It's mostly about my health and something related to that, keeps me awake, but I also react to stress with stopping sleeping.

I've tried every normal and abnormal thing to fix this. Well for health related sleeplessness tricks doesn't really help. It's trying to improve your health, not fixing the insomnia. I've tried melatonin and sleeping pills. Those just kept me even more awake! For awhile I kept going to sleep, well to bed, at same time everyday and getting up at same time every morning. I started to make peaceful evening routines. Look what I ate. Weren't on my computer or phone. You get the idea! I really tried the longest time. Made research and talk with doctors and others with problems like this. Being alone at night is really different then being alone at daytime. At nights it's more totally. You can't just go to somewhere or call to someone. In these times it's really a plus if you have friends living on other timezones. You are more alone then any other time. It can be really hard. I'm fine with being alone, but while doing everything to sleep and spending way too much time awake in bed, I started to feel the loneliness.

So how I get to this point, that sleeping isn't problem for me with the way it was? I don't still sleep, but why it isn't that big problem for me anymore? I stopped caring about it! For me it was easier, because I didn't had to leave at morning  to anywhere. It wasn't that big problem if I couldn't sleep and it itself was helpful for moment. What I mean about not caring was that I started to life at nights. Nights weren't anymore just time counting minutes in silence. I still try to keep okay sleeping schedule, if it's just possible, but if isn't, then I do what I feel like doing.

I do the most random things at nights. Sometimes at morning, I don't have any idea what I did whole night. It was too random to think anything specific. I read news, I do my skincare if I feel like it and most often I shave my legs at 3am. I play on my computer or sew or paint. Like I said, what ever I want. It's not permanent fix, but it's big progress from what it used to be. I've organized my closets and lately wrote many of my posts. Only problem is that I don't like to cook at nights. It's often too noisy. Oh, I can think one other problem, but that happened just once. I did mistake what time it was and called to my friend way too early at morning. Luckily she was awake, but was worry what was wrong because I don't usually call at 6am!

I'm sorry behalf everyone, who has to keep going to work or school at every morning, after night or two without sleep. Only advise I can give; your attitude helps. In the end it's the only thing to what you can really effect. Of course do everything you can improve your sleeping conditions, but if you can't use your nights with the way that you can get some rest and isn't making you to feel anxiety. @FromMadeByMeri


  1. I'm sorry about accidentally deleting very nice comment for this post. Just to tell, if you fonder why it's not here.


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