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My fun sick life: What I can tell to you

Doctors keep telling to focus to something else, then what is happening to you, when you are in situation like I'm. Like usually I try to listen and follow advises as well then possible. I become very good with hiding my symptoms. It was big mistake! Anyways it isn't smart to hide your feelings. First, it doesn't make you feel better, and secondly I became so good with it, that I did same without even seeing when I was doing it. That I did same also in doctor's appointments and in hospital, and it made me to have believable problem. I'm learning off of it, but it's not easy and takes time. I noticed how good I'm with this, when I was on two weeks holiday with my friend and she found out afterward, that I had migraine at everyday in that time. I didn't told it even once!

No one wouldn't handle it, if I'd tell always when something is happening in my body. And I don't want it anyways. I've made decision,  that I can tell it when I'm not doing well, and not actively try to hide it. But at same time, I want to find something positive to talk about. It's not easy with longer bad phases and feels like in my life doesn't have anything else then my health. My friend gave for me advise about this. "Those who love you want to know how you are doing, and what really is happening to you. For them it's not burden. For them it's caring and loving you."

First step is to be honest to yourself. See how you are thinking, acting and feeling. You start to see early enough, when you are going back to old bad habits and you can change it, how you are reacting. It can save from many problems and sorrows. Most of all, others will understand you more likely. I've noticed that, when I'm trying to hide my pain, it makes me to be odd version of myself and I become difficult to approach. Some people have met me only in those moments. Like friends of my friends. I feel that they are thinking, how that great person can have that weird and silent friend. I feel like my friends are thinking, while reading this, "Yeah, I've had to explain her to others!" Other possible situation is, that I'm so tired that I'm just trying to stay awake and hoping to get back to home. Then I don't have anything to say.  I'm like ghost of myself.

Sick person try easily do everything they can, and even everything what they can do for others behalf, to show that they are really trying and are as worthy then others. It's not thoughtful for yourself or to others. At least for those who really care about you! It always backfires as pain and exhaustion! I have to ask from myself, what I'm ready to give up, so I can do this thing. If I go to shopping, I'm not going to wash my hair. If I'm cooking, I might be to tired to eat. You might also waste others time, if you always say 'yes' to everything, and then you have to cancel things because it's just too much for your health. You have to do that, time to time anyways, and it feels always as bad for yours and them behalf. It's not ever easy to send message, " Sorry, I had to cancel this day. I haven't slept at all/ I have too much pain / I can't move at all. See you at some other time!" It's hard, but even harder is, if others doesn't even ask you to come to somewhere because the likelihood of you cancelling. So don't make decisions for your sick friend's behalf. Just think if that was the good day for him/her, and you didn't even asked!  Even doing too much is problem for many sick person, trust that they can do the best decision for themselves. So be free to ask me to babysitter or anything. Even asking feels good and makes me to feel myself important and not forgotten. Even if I may have to say no.

So is sick or disabled person less then anyone else? NOT AT ALL! Most I know are the most hard working and kindest person, I've ever met. We don't suffer only our "normal" diseases. We also get everything what others will. Flues, broken limbs, tooth aches… We are responsible about our life and homes. From everything we can and can't do. We just need to find a way to get all done.  Some are working, have hobbies, sick family members to take care of, kids and they are using their view remain physical power to those. From everyone I know, most sacrifices for others are doing, those for it's the hardest. Maybe because they really know how much help can be needed and how good it feels when you are in trouble. @FromMadeByMeri


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